Why am I?

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There are times and seasons when we wonder why our personal set of genetic codes exist. I have been in such a season of reflection. Why am I?

I exist to live in a deeply personal relationship with the One who created me, redeemed me, and is alive within me in all the fullness of his divine life. That alone is staggering and more than enough for a lifetime. But it gets even more amazing.

Before time began, God planned and purposed you and me to do amazing stuff through all the seasons of our lives. He “shapes the precious life he saves and does so for a special purpose. The pattern starts to unfold — a pattern for which God has been shaping you as he takes you through a lifelong pursuit and to a treasured fulfillment of serving him well. God intends to help each one of us live with his design in mind and not to trample underfoot his exquisite workmanship. The design is beautiful. The promise is sure. The end result is profound. The answers will all be there. But the condition is clear: we must search for God with all our hearts.”[1]

Note the last line – “we must search for God with all our hearts.” We find our special purpose and gifting not by pursuing the gift but the Giver. Within him is the truth of who and why you are. Stay your heart upon him and guard against the insidious whispers of doubt that question and warp Truth.

He loves you fiercely, and has given you an extraordinary gift. The gift is very precious to him and tailor made for your unique set of genetic codes. May you “see the beauty and the marvel he had in mind when he created you.”1

What must he feel when I think I have so little and minimize it through comparisons? Have I trampled it under the foot of insecurity or doubt?  May what I do with what I’ve been given make his heart sing! And may I trust him to use it when and where and how it most pleases him and leave the end result in his hands.

[1] Zacharias, Ravi K. (2007) The Grand Weaver: How God Shapes Us Through the Events of Our Lives. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan.

Unalterable

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Fifteen years ago, my youngest son told me that he had enlisted in the army. Guessing my reaction, he waited to tell me until it was unalterable. When I realized there was nothing I could do to change it, I moaned that something terrible might happen. I’ll never forget his response, and I remember it every time he’s deployed. “I’m in God’s hands and He’s in control of what happens to me here and everywhere.” Although he didn’t quote Psalm 139, there were definitely echoes of it…“You hem me in behind and before, and lay your hand upon me…if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast…all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” He pulled the “spiritual card” on me, and it worked. How do you argue with that?? But, in 2005, it didn’t lessen the pain of watching him board the army bus and be taken away from me and eventually to the far side of the sea.

He was deployed to Afghanistan again this week. I’ve lost track of all of his deployments, and with every one there’s a place in me that’s uneasy and unsettled until he’s back. Yet, God meets me in that place with tender compassion, and asks me to trust His sovereign care. I can’t imagine the anxiety if I didn’t believe that God is absolutely sovereign and absolutely loving. There is an inexplicable peace that flows over the uneasiness because I know God is God, and He wrote the first day and last day of my son’s stories before they were conceived and carries them every day in between. That is unalterable Truth.

But I’m human. Sometimes it’s hard to trust. Sometimes fear wells up in my throat. Then I just lean into the great compassion and goodness of God and ask Him to help me trust Him more.

Wallowa Mountains. Photo by Pam Teschner

Simply

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This morning I woke early and lay peacefully in bed as the light of a new day grew brighter. Shortly after 5:00 am, I heard the first note of the dawn chorus and listened as more voices joined in – finches, chickadees, doves, sparrows, and hungry baby swallows in the nest box at my window.

For several hours, I opened my mind and heart toward God and listened over a cup of hot tea. I mulled over a word He pressed into my mind about a week ago: simply. It struck me while watching a documentary about the life of Lilias Trotter who was a missionary in Algiers from 1888 to 1928. She was an extraordinarily gifted artist and writer with a deep sensitivity to the presence of God in the beauty of His created world. She emanated the simple faith of one who has known and walked with God through great joy and great suffering.

Jesus said to Jairus, whose daughter had died while he was trying to reach Him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” Simply believe. Nothing more. Nothing less. And expect miracles.

Over the past week, this phrase has echoed off the walls of my mind – simply believe, simply be open to Me, simply let Me sing My life through your joy and your suffering. Simple faith is the mind stepping back and trusting its heart sight when nothing makes sense.

What bud lies enfolded in me but is restrained by my unbelief and complicated efforts? The thought is sobering yet beats with hope. When I simply believe and trust the Christ who lives in me, He begins to unfold one little possibility, and miracles begin to happen.

Song of the Soul

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It feels as though a microbe has taken us all hostage. In this confinement, I can either attempt to escape, complain about isolation, cower in the corner or sing in my cell.

The current medical and economic catastrophe attempts to pull me into a tumultuous landscape of fear and worry. When I follow that path, my soul vibrates dissonantly with the struggle and strain of being out of sync with Christ and in a place I was redeemed from.

So, I take a breath (in my own private isolated space) and set my self in trusting quietness before the Lord. I listen and wait until my soul syncs with the deep vibrations emanating from the heart of God. In time, my spirit sings in unison with His Spirit and resonates with the sweetness of His peace.

I love quiet waters. I’ve been drawn to them as long as I can remember. I especially love the effect of translucent water against the solidity of rocks. There’s a peaceful calm and unchanging strength in those places. The veil between the seen and unseen is thin there, and I’m touched with a strong sense of the presence of God.

In April, I went to one of my most frequented places on the S. Santiam River to take a photo for a painting. I thought it was high time that I learned to paint these special places. I hope it breathes a quiet melody into your soul.

He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. Psalm 23:2-3

There are still waters running through the spiritual landscape of our souls. The Shepherd treads there calling us to Himself. His voice is ever on the breeze. As we sit with Him, we sync with the rhythm and flow of His Spirit, even when surrounded by catastrophes and hardships. In the stillness, He refreshes and repairs our fragmented souls.

So, take a breath and set yourself in trusting quietness before the Lord. For in quietness and trust is your strength (Isaiah 30:15). In time, your soul will resonate with His peace. Peace is always within reach. In great trial, it reaches for you.

Are we going to be ok?

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A video circulating out there captures haunting images of this “pivotal historical moment we just went stumbling past.” A worried post shows on screen: “Are we going to be ok?”

Global humanity is reeling and reaching to each other through glass barriers, computer screens and phones. Desperate people are despairing. People are dying alone. Where is God in all this? Has He distanced Himself as well?

Yesterday morning, I read this in a devotional from Henri Nouwen:

“God has not withdrawn himself. He sent his Son to share our human condition and the Son sent us his Spirit to lead us into the intimacy of his divine life. It is in the midst of the chaotic suffering of humanity that the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Love, makes himself visible. But can we recognize his presence?”[1]

God makes Himself visible in the chaotic suffering of humanity. See Him in sacrificial kindness. See Him in breaking hearts and in tears rolling down masked faces. See Him in the exhaustion of a nurse. Know Him in the pain of separation. No one has felt it like He has felt it.

This is what God says to us today…read it like you’ve never seen it before…

Fear not for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned.;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord, your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior…
Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you…
Do not be afraid, for I am with you.
Isaiah 43:1-5

Path of Hope. Photo by Pam Teschner

He stands beside you and with you and carries you when you pass through great suffering because you are dear to Him. He loves you beyond your capacity to understand, and He will lead you into the intimacy of His divine life.

I keep thinking of C.S. Lewis’ words through Aslan, “Courage, dear heart.”

[1] Nouwen, Henri J. M. (2017) You Are the Beloved: Daily Meditations for Spiritual Living. New York, New York: Convergent Books.

Incredible

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In this new world order of social distancing and isolation there is One who is closer than my skin and in the air I breathe. In the pandemic panic and anxiety, it’s easy to let this unshakeable Truth slip from our sanitized grasp. God is still on the throne. Christ is still the head over every power and authority, and He’s got this.

For quite some time, I’ve been pondering an incredible phrase from Ephesians 3:19 “filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” This phrase paints a picture of being filled to the brim, liberally supplied and lacking nothing. What a contrast with the current world of exhausted and scant supplies and empty shelves. But nothing has changed with God. The Spirit that is in me still fills and floods me with the life and power of God Himself so I lack nothing. Absolutely incredible.

Above all else, what God desires and I so desperately need this day is unceasing, intimate, holy communion with the Father and the Son. This is what I was created for, what Jesus died to restore, and what the Spirit makes true in my experience every moment of today…to the brim.

The fullness of God isn’t dispensed when I’ve prayed enough or have been spiritual enough, but all the fullness of God is available to me all the time, every moment of every day just as I am where I am. It is His power at work in my yielded trusting heart. This transcends incredible. Oh, the incredible greatness of God’s power available to us who trust Him for it!

One last incredible thought: We who have this same Spirit in us are connected and forever bound by His love and power. The Holy Spirit is the connective tissue between us and between our heart and the great heart of God. What precious gifts He has given for such a time as this.