There are places and times when the hungry soul is so staggered by God’s majesty that she feels His beauty deep in her bones. It changes her from the inside out, her face shining with the brightness of His face, her life becoming more and more beautiful as she becomes more and more like the One she adores.
My frail earthen vessel is filled with the transcendent Glory of the Eternal Majesty. The core of my innermost being contains the uncontainable God. He chose this vessel as a personal dwelling for His Name and inscribed Yahweh upon it. He is both infinitely beyond my highest thoughts and infinitely closer than the marrow in my bones. Such is the deepest mystery of heaven and earth.
“…the absolute glory of God is revealed in Jesus as absolute love, and we can only be brushed by it. Nevertheless, we are made for that which is too big for us. We are made for God, and nothing less will ever satisfy us.”[1] So, my soul longs to know Him more and trust His love for me.
In my pursuit of knowing the shining One within, I come face-to-face with Jesus Christ, the image and glory of Yahweh. Even when my surroundings are dull or grievous, He floods this clay vessel with an intensity that would burn the eyeballs out of my head but is sweet to the eyes of my heart.
A brush of His glory is overpowering, overwhelming and undoing. Even a fleeting glimpse of the blinding trail of His passing glory reduces my intellect to speechless wonder and buckles my knees. The proclamation of His Name – His ever present utter goodness and tender compassion – shakes the foundation of my very soul. My mind falls dumb and my mouth cannot express where my spirit soars, carried into the heights and depths of the incomprehensible uncreated limitless One.
So, I’m drawn into the secret grotto of my soul where He has written His Name, and stand in the light of His glory. Sometimes I stumble into the secret place half awake and distracted, but He shows up every time bathing me in His light even if my mind is dark with self-preoccupation. And it still changes me.
LORD, show me Your glory, take me into the secret grottos of Your mystery. I ask for this grace and deserve none. But I cannot resist Your tug upon my heart and the ache you have put in my bones. I yearn to see Your unseen beauty and know the unknowable…to be ravished by unquenchable love and brushed by Your glory.
[1] Manning, B. (2000). Ruthless Trust: The Ragamuffin’s Path to God. New York: HarperCollins.
True Colors
I am approaching a significant milestone in the numbering of my years. My assumptions about this age in my younger days were completely inaccurate. Unexpectedly, I don’t feel like death is imminent or that I should purchase a walker and Life Alert. I’m able to get up without assistance, I still have all my teeth, don’t need a hearing aid, can load my kayak on top of my car and can remember my children’s names. Not bad.
In the past three months, I have been relentlessly pursued and badgered by Medicare plans, AARP, and funeral insurance through countless mailings and phone calls. I’ve begun to raise my voice in protest to the unsolicited callers. I’ve had to navigate the bewildering tortuous circuitous world of health insurance. Probably designed by younger people.
The view from this position on my life line is quite different from the view at the teenage end. Sir Thomas Overbury was right when he said that all beauty is but skin deep. And, I will add, that the depth of skin decreases with age.
Two weeks ago, on my regular Sunday visit with my mom at her assisted living apartment, I admired the spectacular fall colors of the trees and bushes in the surrounding yard and flower beds. One particular bush – a Dwarf Fothergilla – had a few remaining leaves that were a stunning red orange with yellow veins. I carefully plucked it and carried it home to paint.
Since my Botany class at OSU, I’ve been fascinated with the science of the leaf. During the young green working years of the leaf, the chloroplasts are busy producing food to sustain the plant. Then in the autumn, as the days shorten and the nights grow cold, the green chlorophyll disappears revealing the glowing yellow and orange pigments that were masked by the predominant green. The rich reds are produced only in the fall of its life if sugar is present in the leaf. No sweetness, no reds. So, the real beauty of the leaf lies hidden until youth begins to fade and its true colors are revealed.
In the fall, the grounds of the assisted living center glows with the beauty of many leaves. Living in apartments on the inside, are many “leaves” in the autumn of their lives. Most can’t see their true beauty, but God does. We look at the outside, but He looks on the heart.
I’m not ready for assisted living, but I hope, at this significant juncture in my life, my true colors are beginning to show through with the glow of His Spirit and a little touch of red.
This was a quick watercolor sketch in an attempt to capture the inner glow of the leaf and journal some thoughts and observations. It’s a significant departure from my usual style of attempted perfection and was quite freeing.
Eclipsed Glory
The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Psalm 19:1
I just had my second experience of a total solar eclipse. I remember my first experience in 1979, but this was even more spectacular to my soul. The internet is flooded with eclipse experiences, meanings and overall hype. So, I, too, must add my perspective.
Around 9:00 am, I nearly jumped out of my shoes when my phone started blasting an emergency notification. Thinking the world was about to end, I grabbed my phone and read something about not stopping my car in dry grass to watch the eclipse because of the extreme fire danger. My heart finally resumed normal beating again only to be shocked a while later with a second message to not look directly into the sun. Then the third and final emergency blasts had something to do with rock climbing and limited emergency response teams. I felt fairly safe in the damp grass of my backyard. What are people doing out there??
I set up my camera and tripod and sat on the patio waiting for the moment of totality. The sky gradually shifted from bright blue to deeper blue and finally darkened. With my eclipse glasses straddling my nose to protect my eyes, I watched the disk of the sun gradually disappear in thinner and thinner crescents. Then the moment of totality arrived and everything went dark. My heart leaped as I took off my eclipse glasses and gazed at the beauty glowing above me. The corona— the wispy atmosphere of the sun – created a halo of glory around the sun. I heard whoops and cheers in the neighborhood and a fire cracker went off. I was overcome with beauty and all I could exclaim was “Wow, Wow!!” Not too original, but nothing more could be uttered as my heart exploded with wonder and my eyes teared up in awe.
8/21/2017 10:18 am Lebanon, Oregon
Total solar eclipse, Mercury below and to the left.
I was cast into the great shadow of the moon and enveloped in darkness. My solar lights and a nearby street light came on automatically, and I began snapping pictures. My exhilaration crescendoed as a diamond ring appeared for a few fleeting moments. The first bead of sunlight shone through the rugged lunar terrain of craters, mountains and valleys creating a shining diamond set in a bright ring of the lunar silhouette.
8/21/2017 about 10:22 am, Lebanon, Oregon
Diamond Ring
God set the sun, moon and earth at the precise distances according to their extremely different sizes to create this unique phenomena. Although the moon is 400 times smaller than the sun, it is also about 400 times closer to the Earth. The distances and sizes and moment of perfect alignment create a total solar eclipse where the moon appears the same size of the sun blocking it but leaving the beauty of the corona. Then a few minutes later, He gives us a diamond ring. The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Pondering this whole phenomena this morning, God reminded me of the moment He covered Moses with His hand to block His blinding glory and Moses saw His passing corona.
Then Moses said, “Now show me your glory.” And the Lord said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But,” he said, “you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live.”
Then the Lord said, “There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen.”
And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.
Exodus 33:18-23; 34:6-7
Speak Lord
A few weeks ago, in the early morning hours, I whispered, Speak Lord.
And yet my heart faltered and the words died in my throat.
I wasn’t sure I could bear what absolute Holiness might say to me.
My weakness, inadequacy, and failure crept into my consciousness,
And the enemy pierced my heart with guilt and doubt.
Then the waters of my soul stirred with the voice of God…Do you trust me?
Hesitantly, I whispered, Speak Lord.
And while the words were still on my lips, He spoke…
My love for you reaches beyond the most distant dust of the universe
And beyond your greatest fears;
My compassion enters the abyss of darkness
And embraces your weakness and failure;
My heart yearns for you just as you are.
I AM with you.
I AM holding your right hand.
I AM your way, your truth and your very life.
I will do immeasurably more than all you can ask or imagine.
Trust Me.
The Magnificent Wallowas
I gaped at the snowy peaks of the Wallowa Mountains this week for the first time and wondered why it took me so long to get here. Entering the land of the Wallowas is stepping into the presence of breath-taking majesty. The spectacular mountains rise nearly straight up from lush meadows creating a skyline of craggy peaks blanketed by evergreen forests. The dramatic vista creates a deep sense of awe and wonder. I asked a local woman if she ever stopped seeing them, and she said, “No, I’m amazed at their beauty every day.” The quiet beauty of this magnificent land in the northeast corner of Oregon breathes a serenity into the air and into the soul that ventures into this hallowed place.
My friend, Debbie, and I spent a day wandering through the nearby artsy community of Joseph enjoying its culture, heritage and soul. The bronze sculptures and good food were highlights, but there’s just something about the sauntering jingle of spurs from a couple of passing cowboys.
The second day, we took the tram up the side of Mt. Howard and stood on the top of the 8,150 foot peak. The air is definitely thinner at that elevation or I’m getting pathetically out of shape…or perhaps, both. The panorama is even more spectacular from the summit with peak after peak stretching into the distance. Silvery ribbons of melting snow rush down a nearby mountain and into Wallowa Lake.
A prevalent bird in the subalpine forest of the peak is Clarke’s Nutcracker. I saw several of them and did a little research on the bird and discovered another revelation of God. These birds feed predominantly on the seeds of the whitebark pine. They eat some and bury some for the long winter months. According to Keith Pohs in his book, The Wallow Mountains, A Natural History Guide, “Studies have shown that about one in three seed caches buried by the bird goes unrecovered, and these seeds often sprout into new trees. The bird’s ability to carry many seeds at one time and its tendency to bury them at the perfect depth for germination appears to be an evolutionary co-adaptation with the pine.” Isn’t God amazing? He orchestrates even the details of the Clarke’s Nutcracker food preference, the perfectly shaped beak to get to it, and the cone structure and reproduction cycle of whitebark pines. Amazing.
The great Wallowa peaks all point in unison to the heavens and silently shout the magnificent greatness of their Creator. Spending a few days here between these towering peaks and on top of one has given me a new perspective on dwelling in the shelter of the Most High and resting in the shadow of the Almighty. May I never stop seeing His beauty and being overwhelmed by His majesty – every day.
Grieve Well
The morning of April 18, 2017 was the morning that God had planned from eternity past to lift Dick Kearns from the bonds of his body and into the loving embrace of Jesus Christ. All Dick’s days, from conception to death, were ordained by God and written in His book before one of them came to be. His short story on this planet ended on that April morning, but the rest of his eternal story has only just begun.
Dick is the husband of Dixie, one of the 10 women I share life with. We’re called Heirborne, a worship band of all women, and we worship together, pray together, cry together and celebrate God together. We road trip around Oregon dragging sound equipment and instruments to various retreats and events and have a blast.
We’ve been together for more years than I can remember helping and praying each other through the struggles and joys of living of life. Even now, as I type this, one of us was just admitted to the hospital and the text messages of prayer are flying.
Dixie is one of the five vocalists of Heirborne and sings alto. The evening of April 18, she came to rehearsal as usual but grieving. We wrapped our arms, our hearts and our prayers around her. At Dick’s memorial service, we sang, I Will Rise, and, to the astonishment of everyone in the room, Dixie stepped onto the platform, stood front and center with Jamey and Marcy on one side and Rhonda and Denice on the other and she sang out her heart…
There’s a peace I’ve come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There’s an anchor for my soul
I can say “It is well”
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles’ wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise, I will rise
I don’t think there was a dry eye in the room. Mine certainly weren’t.
At rehearsal last Tuesday night, she brought a poem she had written and read it to us because she wanted us to know this man of hers whom she deeply loves. I asked if I could post it, and she, rather hesitantly, agreed. I pray that her grief and her hope touches that place in every heart that has known grief.
WHEN I GET HOME
By Dixie Kearns
Going off to work each morning,
Leaving you asleep, alone –
No goodbye or sad forlorning,
You’ll be here when I get home.
Driving home in dark of evening,
Knowing what awaits me soon,
“Is that you, hon? How’s your day been?
I’m sure glad you’re home!”
Weekend brings us both together –
Time to share our lives as one.
‘So good to be with one another,
Joining hearts in our church home.
Family loved and family needing,
Oft I leave to serve my own.
But my heart is always seeking
To come back to you at home.
You received a Godly vision,
Though its scope is still unknown.
You completed your great mission
And God began to call you home
Days of pain and days of suffering,
You endured a mass of stone.
No hope is medicine now offering.
You want just to be back home.
God is good and God is gracious.
My Love, if only I had known
How short was time and moments precious
‘Til Jesus came and took you home.
Now I drive in evening darkness,
Rememb’ring how your lovelight shone.
Up ahead I face great sadness –
You’re not there when I get home.
Loving you so long and deeply –
How to live now that you’re gone?
Memories surround me sweetly.
How I yearn for you at home!
Someday traveling will be over,
No more miles be left to roam.
Then I’ll finally see my Savior.
And you’ll be there when I go home.
Dixie is pictured with the rest of Heirborne on the Events page.