July 25, 2016. I’m floating in my red kayak at the inflow of the Great Spring into Clear Lake, the headwaters of the McKenzie River.
The spring of clear ice cold water rises to the surface, fills the lake, and starts its journey down the mountain to the sea.
Sunlight through soft ripples of the surface create turquois lace undulating on the sandy bottom at the inflow of the spring.
On the opposite side of the lake, an underwater forest of ancient trees rise from the dark depths to just a few feet below the surface. Gliding over them creates a magical sense of flying above the trees. They dance in rhythm with the gentle ripples of the surface, their straight trunks bending and swaying in the refracted light.
Clear Lake was formed 3,000 years ago when lava from Sand Mountain flowed across the river creating a lava dam and backing up the water. The submerged trees that were on the original riverbank now stand in 120 feet of water preserved by the extreme cold and purity of the water. The lake and the trees were formed when David was king of Israel. Amazing.
Floating here, it strikes me that for all the years I’ve come to the lake and for antiquity, the crystalline water continues to rise to the surface and pour into the lake. It also strikes me that the lake has nothing to do with the process of infilling other than openness to receive its unceasing abundance. The Great Spring fills the lake then spills down the mountain nourishing everything along its path to the sea.
I took a book by Brother Lawrence to the lake and read while drifting in a warm summer breeze. I was struck by what he wrote, particularly being surrounded by the stunning beauty and tranquility of the lake (no motorized boats allowed). In a letter to a Reverend Mother, he wrote this referring to himself:
“You can judge what contentment and satisfaction he enjoys. Continually feeling within himself so great a treasure that he is no longer worried or uneasy about finding it, he is no longer suffering the pain of searching for it. He is entirely open to it and free to partake of it as he wishes.”[1]
I spent many years in the pain of searching for the treasure but couldn’t quite lay hold of it no matter how hard I tried or how good I performed. I struggled thinking God was waiting for me to finally discover His secret so He could pour abundant life into me. I yearned for it, and had fleeting moments of discovery only to have it slip through my fingers again and again.
Floating and relaxing on a lake full and overflowing, God reminded me again of His grace and the great treasure that wells up within me. It is an unceasing outpouring of His grace, not a response to my doings. He wants me to simply receive it by faith and rest in it…to just be. Then His grace flows through me compelling me to love Him and serve Him and empowering me to do what He calls me to do. Doing always flows out of being. Attempting to reverse this process will end in failure every time. I know. I’m well practiced at it.
The key is being entirely open to the unceasing flow of the life of God. There is just one thing that blocks the flow – my sin. Like spiritual debris, it clogs the opening and my life begins to stagnate and stink. Peace and joy dry up leaving my heart empty. But in a moment, with a breath of confession and repentance, sins debris is swept away and I’m again flooded with overwhelming contentment and joy.
It strikes me that, like the lake, I have nothing to do with the process of infilling other than openness to receive God’s unceasing abundance. He fills my life then spills down the journey of my life nourishing everyone along my path to heaven.
[1] Edmonson, Robert J. (1985). The Practice of the Presence of God, Brother Lawrence. Brewster, Massachusetts: Paraclete Press.
Trillium Patch
My favorite native woodland plant is the trillium. So, when I overhead Professor John Scott talking about the trillium patches he found in Corban University’s forest, I was anxious to see them.
The trillium is sometimes called the Trinity Flower because its single stem is topped with three leaves and crowned with three sepals and three flower petals. They flourish in the rich moist soil under the canopy of the mixed upland forests.
The trillium has a gentle beauty and isn’t very competitive. Thus, they’re easily overrun by more aggressive species. So, the presence of these delicate natives is an indicator of the health of the forest.
Two of the more common trillium in Oregon’s forests and woodlands are:
Trillium ovatum, also known as the Pacific trillium or western trillium, blooms earlier than other native flowers and is the herald of spring. The pure white flower rests on a stalk that extends about 2 inches above the leaves. The flower blushes pink with age. Don’t we all?
Trillium albidum, also known as the giant white wakerobin or sweet trillium, makes its appearance with the first robins, hence the name. The white flower sits at the center and base of the three leaves.
I’m very fortunate that my workplace – Corban University – has about 80 acres of undeveloped forest and woodland rich with native species. Professor Scott, Corban’s birds and botany specialist and natural historian, lead me to his recent discovery of trillium and fawn lilies on our forested campus. John is also quite adept at recognizing encroaching nonnative plants, such as the Shiny Geranium, that grow prolifically in our woodlands. These invasive plants quickly dominate and smother other wildflowers.
Encroaching Shiny Geranium
John is passionate about the preservation of the native plants and the destruction of the nonnative invasives. A single plant can be easily uprooted. A forest overrun is quite another matter. Pulling it all by hand is an impossible task. It will grow back before it’s all pulled. It could be nuked with a potent herbicide, but that would kill everything.
As we walked, I began to see the forest and the pretty little geranium through his eyes. A light began to dawn and the parable of the Sower came to mind.
Parable: Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times.
Interpretation: Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown. Mark 4:7-8, 18-20
Jesus identifies three choking thorns: worry and anxiety, seeking and delighting in wealth, and desires for other things. Sometimes thorns are prettily disguised and appear harmless. Lulled into apathy, they quickly spread and dominate like unchecked sin.
So, what does this all mean right now, even as I write and as you read? What’s the “so what”?
“The only way parables can be understood at the deepest level is for one to dare to become involved in their world, to be willing to risk seeing God with new eyes, and to allow that vision to transform one’s being.”[1]
So, I walk the paths of the forest to really see it. I look for trillium and fawn lilies and see English ivy and Himalayan blackberries. I dare to walk the paths of my life at the deepest level to look through God’s eyes at what’s growing and thriving under the canopy. Is His gentle beauty and life thriving in me or has it been overrun and smothered by invasive thorny worries and desires for things? Have I been wrapped up in achieving, succeeding and accumulating? Are there shiny little sins that have become established in the soil of my life? Hard questions.
God isn’t going to compete for space in my life, but He will eliminate the competition when I turn to Him in repentance. I have to first see them for the choking death they are and give them over to Him to redeem and transform. And He will….every time, again and again…until the Trinity flower rises and blooms from the rich soil of His life in me.
All photos taken by the author in the forest of corban university.
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[1] Garland, David E. (1996). The NIV Application Commentary: Mark. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, p. 165.
Next Adventure
There’s something about watercolor painting that stirs my soul. I remember my first Prang watercolor set as a young girl. In fact, I can still smell the wet paints in the metal case and feel my cheap brush digging into the square pans of bright colors. From those early days, I’ve kept coming back to the transparency and fluidity of watercolor. Sometimes, I think it paints with me rather than me painting with it.
I’m a part-time artist with a full-time interest in the created beauty around me. I love capturing it with my Canon DSLR in my yard, on walks through the forests and beaches of western Oregon, and paddles on its lakes and rivers. Then the real adventure begins in my studio as I convert digital images and my 3D experience with the subject into a story with paper, paint and pencil.
The next adventure has just begun with the opening of my Etsy shop: PamTeschnerArt.etsy.com
Please check it out! I have professional Giclee prints of three of my paintings for sale. I’ve started with just a few pieces, but will grow it in time.
I hope my art creates a pause in your busy day and your busy thoughts to see, not my brush strokes or pencil lines, but the beauty of the subject and a moment of light and movement. More than that, I hope it reflects the beauty of the One who created it first and whose fingerprints are all over it.
Just added to my gallery: To a Wild Rose.
Sometimes God picks a moment to open an unexpected door and lead us to the beginnings of a new dimension of understanding and experience. Sometimes a great gift is given. A friend of mine began playing the piano as a young girl. Then an unexpected door opened to a deeper dimension of the heart and soul of music. God used the song, To a Wild Rose, to open the door and plant His gift of music in Debbie’s soul. The melodies, harmonies, rhythms, dynamics and textures of music unfolded in her like the petals of the rose. There are people who play and sing songs, and there are musicians through whom the heartbeat and soul of the song is given voice. I painted the wild rose and penned a portion of the melody line to remind my musician friend of the creative grace of God that fills her head and heart with music.
Turned Inside Out
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. II Corinthians 4:16
For the past three weeks, I’ve spent many hours at my mother’s bedside in the hospital and now in rehab at a nursing home. She fell and fractured her pelvis and hip on February 12.
I had told a friend at work that I was looking forward to the three-day weekend and spending time in my yard and art studio. On my way home, I received a call from the assisted living facility that mom had fallen in her apartment and was in transport to ER. So, instead of continuing home, I headed for the hospital. Thus began the daily vigil of caring, supporting, listening, advocating, waiting, pacing, coaching, and generally struggling to understand the mysterious ways of the medical world.
My mom has suffered with chronic pain and limited mobility for years, and now this. Really, God? I have watched her outwardly wasting away and wondered how she is being renewed day by day. How am I?
We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. II Corinthians 4:10
Perhaps the renewal is inextricably linked to suffering. Perhaps it’s the blossom and fruit of our troubles. Life from death. I don’t like that model.
Sometimes…well, most of the time…it’s hard to understand what God is up to when we or someone we love is suffering. I see but a miniscule slice of time, albeit the only slice of time I live in and experience, and from that perspective, none of this makes sense. But God has the beginning and end in view simultaneously and weaves it all together perfectly. I can see His perfect timing looking back, but I can’t see it looking forward. With Him, there is no back or forward. He envelops time – beginning to end.
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. II Corinthians 4:18
I think the key is where I set my focus day in and day out through the years and the struggles. If I develop an enduring habit of fixing my gaze and thoughts on Him, more of His life will be formed in me. As the outside fades away, the truth of the inside is revealed. We’re turned inside out.
The most profound picture of Jesus today is in those who have walked the long path of life’s troubles but have kept their eyes on their unseen Companion who has carried them and sustained them.
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4
Two Questions
For the past few years, I’ve not approached the New Year with a resolution but instead with two questions: “What, God, do you want to teach me and change in me this year? What scripture do you want to use to do this in me?” Then I wait and listen.
The first year, He gave me Galatians 2:20 and helped me better understand what it means to live by faith every moment of every day. He showed me the insufficiency of my self-effort and brought me to a decision of accepting Him as my “every day get up in the morning walk through the day and slip into bed at night” Redeemer and Doer of it all.
The last two years He gave me Romans 12:1 and called me to absolute surrender. It’s been two years, and I don’t think He’ll ever be done working that verse into my heart and life. I’ve always struggled with the failings of my will and determination toward complete surrender. God has patiently let me fail to help me realize that absolute surrender isn’t the outcome of my determination or will. I don’t have to muster it up. I need to give it up, then He gradually and absolutely works it into the fabric of my soul.
Now I stand at the first day of 2016 and ask again, “What, God, do you want to teach me and change in me this year? What scripture do you want to use to do this in me?” I’ve been waiting and listening, and this morning He confirmed it.
This year, Lord, I want to abide more fully and deeply in Your love. How my heart yearns to abide with You more consistently but quakes before my weakness and failure. So, I give You my frail humanity and propensity to wander. Oh, wondrous love that made me frail and accepts me as I am! Stir the embers of my heart into fiery love and take me deeper and deeper into an abiding rare intimacy with you.
After writing out this prayer, God nudged my heart with these thoughts…Oh child of Mine, it is My own yearning that cries out for rare intimacy. It’s what you were made for, it’s what I died for, and it’s what I call you to each morning. Follow Me, stay close to Me, and abide with Me. I will sweep you into the heights and depths of My love and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not yet know. Just stay close…and hold on to your hat.
Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. John 15:9-10 NASB
I think His lessons about faith and absolute surrender were His preparation to draw me into this abiding intimacy. I’ve been reading Andrew Murray’s book, Abide in Christ, and realize now that God has been connecting the dots over the past three years: faith…surrender…abide. Murray wrote:
“As the Father hath loved Me, so have I love you.” What a love! And it is with that same infinite love that His eye still rests upon each of us here seeking to abide in Him, and in each breathing of that love there is indeed the power of eternity. “I have loved thee with an everlasting love.” With the tenderest compassion He bows to our weakness, with patience inconceivable he bears with our slowness, with the gentlest loving-kindness He meets our fears and our follies.
Love gives all, but asks all. It does so not because it grudges us a thing, but because without this it cannot get possession of us to fill us with itself…our surrender to it must have no other measure than its surrender to us. O that we understood how the love that calls us has infinite riches and fullness of joy for us, and that what we give up for its sake will be rewarded a hundredfold in this life!
But is it possible, can I always abide in His love? Listen how that love itself supplies the only means for our abiding in Him: It is faith in that love which will enable us to abide in it. If this love be indeed so divine, such an intense and burning passion, then surely I can depend on it to keep me and to hold me fast. Then surely all my unworthiness and feebleness can be no hindrance. If this love be indeed so divine, with infinite power at its command, I surely have a right to trust that it is stronger than my weakness; and that with its almighty arm it will clasp me to its bosom and suffer me to go out no more….there is one thing my God requires of me….He cannot force all this blessedness on me; He waits till I give the willing consent of my heart.”
Secret Prayer
The alarm goes off and I finally rise after a couple snooze cycles. Tea in hand, I shuffle to my chair and sit in the presence of God. It takes a few moments to corral wandering thoughts and turn toward Him. He watches me settle and waits. Sometimes I become acutely aware of His Presence and my humanness falls silent. Sometimes I just stare into my tea.
I don’t know how I should pray, but the Spirit begins to pray His heart and will for me in the unutterable language of Deity. In the quiet of the morning, a deep upwelling stirs my soul and the unutterable becomes my prayer.
All that I am waits quietly before you, O God,
for my hope is in You.
I am Yours – all I am and all I have.
Work into my heart a deeper and more absolute surrender.
Wash away all my sin.
Cleanse me from all that dishonors You and rises above You.
Empty me of myself and fill me with all of Your fullness.
Permeate every cell.
Remove the scales from my eyes and give me greater faith to see You.
Overwhelm me with Your presence and take my breath away.
I want to know Your great heart, O God.
I yearn for rare intimacy with You.