Tag Archives: Grace

Rekindled

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Journal entry: 11/19/2018
As I write this, a small flame from a little clay oil lamp on my
desk undulates in rhythm with the slight currents of air. If I
squint, it throws a golden beam at my heart.
Every morning when I rise, I light it and watch its flame dance
and sit with God. A while back, the flame grew smaller and smaller
then silently extinguished leaving a thin wisp of smoke that
quickly dissipated. I hadn’t been paying attention to the level
of oil and had neglected its filling.
I am the clay container filled with the sacred oil of the presence
of Jehovah. There is a small flame in my heart that is a piece of
His holy fire. It dances in rhythm with the breath of His Spirit.
My soul needs continual filling and refilling every day to keep
the flame burning and radiating its light and warmth. My neglect
will quench and extinguish the flame of His Spirit.


The fire of God’s presence is always in me and with me, but I’m not always present with Him. Sometimes I slip into relying less on Him and more on me to deal with life’s difficulties and demands. I can go a day then another and another neglecting a fresh filling of His Spirit. In time, my flame grows smaller and smaller then silently extinguishes leaving a thin trail of smoke. My insides grow cold and dark, and I grope for a way out of the emptiness.
Over the past 15+ years, I have had numerous conversations with women at various retreats and events who were overwhelmed by life, losing their grip on hope and simply going through the motions. Woven into their stories was a thread of longing for rekindling.  We were made to experience the reality of the living Christ in our sorrows, struggles, dryness, and exhaustion. And so we long for it. But life tramples hope, shreds our hearts, drains our joy and leaves us spent, frayed and empty clinging to the broken pieces. I have lived seasons in all of these places.
We are containers by divine design, made to be filled with God Himself. We were meant to be aflame with all the fullness of His life, and receive grace upon grace in every situation and every struggle. Sometimes I let circumstances distract and drain me, but as soon as I look to Him in humble submission and faith, the flow of His life and power is unleashed again and He astounds me with grace upon grace upon more grace and still more grace.
Lord, I am humbled by your unrelenting grace even when, and especially when, I get lost in the struggle and neglect You. My heart burns to know You more and to be inflamed by Your presence. I am Yours, Lord. I need You in every moment of every day. Throw a golden beam of Your fire into my heart, and fill me with all of Your fullness.
 

just be

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July 25, 2016. I’m floating in my red kayak at the inflow of the Great Spring into Clear Lake, the headwaters of the McKenzie River.
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The spring of clear ice cold water rises to the surface, fills the lake, and starts its journey down the mountain to the sea.
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Sunlight through soft ripples of the surface create turquois lace undulating on the sandy bottom at the inflow of the spring.
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On the opposite side of the lake, an underwater forest of ancient trees rise from the dark depths to just a few feet below the surface. Gliding over them creates a magical sense of flying above the trees. They dance in rhythm with the gentle ripples of the surface, their straight trunks bending and swaying in the refracted light.
Clear Lake was formed 3,000 years ago when lava from Sand Mountain flowed across the river creating a lava dam and backing up the water. The submerged trees that were on the original riverbank now stand in 120 feet of water preserved by the extreme cold and purity of the water. The lake and the trees were formed when David was king of Israel. Amazing.
Floating here, it strikes me that for all the years I’ve come to the lake and for antiquity, the crystalline water continues to rise to the surface and pour into the lake. It also strikes me that the lake has nothing to do with the process of infilling other than openness to receive its unceasing abundance. The Great Spring fills the lake then spills down the mountain nourishing everything along its path to the sea.
I took a book by Brother Lawrence to the lake and read while drifting in a warm summer breeze. I was struck by what he wrote, particularly being surrounded by the stunning beauty and tranquility of the lake (no motorized boats allowed). In a letter to a Reverend Mother, he wrote this referring to himself:
“You can judge what contentment and satisfaction he enjoys. Continually feeling within himself so great a treasure that he is no longer worried or uneasy about finding it, he is no longer suffering the pain of searching for it. He is entirely open to it and free to partake of it as he wishes.”[1]
I spent many years in the pain of searching for the treasure but couldn’t quite lay hold of it no matter how hard I tried or how good I performed. I struggled thinking God was waiting for me to finally discover His secret so He could pour abundant life into me. I yearned for it, and had fleeting moments of discovery only to have it slip through my fingers again and again.
Floating and relaxing on a lake full and overflowing, God reminded me again of His grace and the great treasure that wells up within me. It is an unceasing outpouring of His grace, not a response to my doings. He wants me to simply receive it by faith and rest in it…to just be. Then His grace flows through me compelling me to love Him and serve Him and empowering me to do what He calls me to do. Doing always flows out of being. Attempting to reverse this process will end in failure every time. I know. I’m well practiced at it.
The key is being entirely open to the unceasing flow of the life of God. There is just one thing that blocks the flow – my sin. Like spiritual debris, it clogs the opening and my life begins to stagnate and stink. Peace and joy dry up leaving my heart empty. But in a moment, with a breath of confession and repentance, sins debris is swept away and I’m again flooded with overwhelming contentment and joy.
It strikes me that, like the lake, I have nothing to do with the process of infilling other than openness to receive God’s unceasing abundance. He fills my life then spills down the journey of my life nourishing everyone along my path to heaven.
 
[1] Edmonson, Robert J. (1985). The Practice of the Presence of God, Brother Lawrence. Brewster, Massachusetts: Paraclete Press.
 
 

Divine Mystery or Contradiction?

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The mind, composed of the elements of the earth, attempts to understand Divine mystery. The mystery of the Trinity or how Jesus could be fully God and fully man at the same time overwhelms the mind. How did Jesus become sin and still be the sinless Lamb of God who could pay my debt? How can the infinite God be contained in my body?
The mind linked to the body encased by time can’t grasp the mysteries of faith. Logic and intellect attempt to explain, but, in so doing, we cram God into the box of language.
I’ve been reading Ephesians for a couple months now, but am still in chapter 1. My mind slammed into a divine mystery in verses 4 – 6, and I’ve been groping around the edges of election and free will for a couple weeks. In an attempt to avoid cramming God into a box of words, I’ve identified a handful of truths He’s given us in the inerrant scriptures He inspired and spoke.
Truth: Chosen v. 4
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. I was chosen by God before time began. He set His love upon me and made me His before I existed and before there was an earth. He chose me, and I will never be unchosen.
Truth: Predestined v. 5, 6

  • In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will. With great love and tender affection, He set me apart to be His child because it delighted Him. By His will, I am. By His will, I’m becoming what He designed me to be.
  • to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. This is not about me or anything I did. I was nothing more than a deplorable object of wrath, but He lifted me to His great heart and made me an object of His mercy to the praise of His glorious grace which He continues to lavish upon me without reserve or condition.

Truth: He chose first – John 15:16
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit…. He chose me first. So, did I have a choice? Could I have chosen Him if He had not chosen me?
Truth: Free will – John 3:16, John 7:36, Revelation 22:17, Deuteronomy 30:19-20

  • If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink….
  • For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
  • Is anyone thirsty? Come! All who will, come and drink, drink freely of the Water of Life!
  • I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.

Anyone who thirsts, whoever believes, all who will come – the invitation is extended to all. He sets a choice before every human being and says, choose life. But we can choose death.
If I don’t believe the offered medicine will heal me and don’t accept it, then I will die as the fatal disease consumes me. If I accept it, I’m healed by the power of the remedy not by my act of choosing. My rejection of the cure denies its power to heal, but my acceptance of it unleashes its power to save.
Choosing or being chosen? Election or free will? Are they exclusive? Can it be both? The two sides of this Divine mystery – Sovereign choice and our free will to choose – are both unequivocally and absolutely true simultaneously.
In John chapter 6 Jesus combined these two truths:
Truth: Chosen v. 37
All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.
Truth: Free will v. 40
For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.
Truth: Chosen v. 44
No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws them.
Truth: Free will v. 47
Very truly I tell you, the one who believes has eternal life.
I can’t reconcile the two sides of the mystery but faith accepts that both are true. The Father chooses who of us He will give to His Son, and no one comes unless God compels them. But He didn’t create robots. He wants to be chosen as much as He wants to choose. Does God not have the right to choose His bride, and would He not want His bride to freely choose Him?
“Men by their sins have forfeited all claim upon God; they deserve to perish for their sins – and if they all do so, they have no ground for complaint….When we are brought to see our own utter ruin, and the justice of the divine verdict against sin, we no longer scoff at the truth that the Lord is not bound to save us; we do not murmur if he chooses to save others, as though He were doing us an injury, but feel that if he deigns to look upon us, it will be His own free act of undeserved goodness, for which we will forever bless His name….”[1]
“I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden. One of you will say to me: “Then why does God still blame us? For who is able to resist his will?” But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this’?” Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for special purposes and some for common use? What if God, although choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory? Romans 9:15, 18-23
What if He did this to overwhelm me with the riches of His glory?
I will bless His name forever for He is Sovereign and controls my hours and days. With love, He chose me and works through every circumstance to achieve His purpose in my life. I can make poor choices and turn away from Him. Though they will never separate me from Him, those choices will limit His greatness in my life and create shallowness. Or I can choose life and be overwhelmed by His glory and filled with all of His fullness.
Cynthia Heald, in her book A Woman’s Journey to the Heart of God, wrote “…the choices I make today determine whether I move toward Him, or toward self and the world. …one day I must give an account of my life to God. I will answer for the choices I made. I can never say, ‘The devil made me do it,’ for God has delivered me from the rule of Satan so that I am no longer a slave to sin. And I cannot say, ‘God why didn’t You make me do it?’ for He loves me too much to force me to obey Him.”
God of my heart, Maker of my soul, I am Yours. I love You. Deepen my love for You and Your people. Give me grace to surrender all to you – my freedoms and my chains. Show me Your ways, teach me Your truth and give me more faith to follow to the praise of Your glorious grace.
[1] Charles Spurgeon, (2003). Morning and Evening, Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway Books.

The Greatest Courage

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The greatest courage and deepest faith of humanity

Endures the slow disintegration of the body and the slipping away of independence.

It looks into the eyes of death and begins to see the brilliance of glory.

It stretches a foot over the chasm afraid to let go of here but yearning for there.

It groans as it struggles to escape the deteriorating confines of flesh.

It pains through the stripping away of the body as the soul emerges to unimaginable joy.

It reaches one last time to grasp the hand of God as He lifts His faithful into paradise.

Everest

For all of us who watch them reach the summit…may we be grace givers unto the end.

Absolutely Never

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Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will never count against him.                     Romans 4:7, 8
Over 2,000 years ago, Jesus Christ poured out His life and died to erase every single sin that I would ever commit in my short span of earth life. Then one day in 1960, He called me to Himself and my young faith wrapped around His forgiveness. He placed His seal of ownership on my soul and deposited His endless righteousness into my eternal account. I stood on little legs of faith before His throne just as if I lived His perfect life and never sinned at all—because Jesus was punished for my sins just as if He committed them all.
The record of my sin has been cleared and wiped clean with the cleansing agent of the blood of Christ. He does not keep a sin score or tally them and remind me, “Well, that’s the 873rd time today.” Nor is He disappointed when I stumble again and yet again. Instead, He sings over me with joy all day every day.
He has never left my side even when the days were dark and I lost sight of Him. I am fully persuaded that nothing today or tomorrow or anything I do or don’t do will ever separate me from Him.
On that day in 1960, all my sin was removed from the account of my soul and the Lord will never…not ever…will absolutely never count any of them against me. Not even those I will commit between today and my final day of breath. I am forever forgiven. And when I finally get to see Him face to face, He will sing me a song of welcome home.
Oh, what grace. What overwhelming and undoing grace! I am Yours…forever Yours.
The words “it was credited to him” were written not for him [Abraham] alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead.He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification.                                                                             Romans 4:23-25